No Matter How it Starts
This isn’t a trip report. I wasn’t trying to find the meaning of life or crack open my third eye. I just wanted to listen to In Rainbows — one of my favourite albums — while on mushrooms, and see how it landed. The strain was White Rabbit. I’ve used it before. For me, it’s gentle but deep, never too sharp.
I planned to wait for the shrooms to settle in before starting the album. I lay there for a while, letting the edges soften, and then remembered why I had taken them in the first place. Right — the music.
Letting the Music In
I usually play In Rainbows on my turntable, but I didn’t want to zone out and forget to flip the record. So I queued it up on my computer, hit play, and tried to settle in. I had a notebook beside me. I figured I’d jot down a few thoughts here and there. That didn’t go as planned.
The first listen barely registered. I got caught in some loop of thoughts and forgot the album was even playing. I wrote down one thing: “drums feel like they’re crawling.” Still have no idea what track that was from.
So I played it again. Then again. Then again.
Separate like ripples on a blank shore
I think I listened to In Rainbows four times in total, maybe five. Each listen blurred into the next. Sometimes I paid attention. Sometimes I drifted. Sometimes I felt like I was floating inside a song. Other times I was outside the whole thing, just watching it play like light patterns on a wall.
A Song That Cut Through
It must have been the fourth listen when Reckoner finally cracked me open. It’s always been my favourite song on the album. Somehow I kept missing it earlier in the night, either too deep in thought or wandering off mentally.
But this time I stayed with it. The moment it opened up, everything stopped moving. I didn’t cry, but it felt like my chest was being unzipped. There was something underneath I didn’t know was there. No story behind it. Just raw feeling.
I wrote one thing down: “This song sees through me.” (Like I said, no big revelations on this particular trip)
Not All of It Made Sense
House of Cards felt off. Like it was trying to seduce me and I didn’t want it to. I skipped it once. Let it play the next time. It felt warmer then, but I still didn’t trust it.
All I Need felt empty the first time, but the second time around it hit differently. There was this weight in the low end that sat in my gut. Not sadness exactly. Just pressure. Like a quiet heaviness I didn’t have words for.
By the time Videotape came around, I couldn’t tell which listen I was on. That song always feels like an ending. This time it felt like being gently erased.
No Matter How It Ends
There wasn’t some big message waiting for me in the music. No revelation. But each time I listened, In Rainbows peeled away a bit more of me. Sometimes it was soothing. Sometimes it was uncomfortable. Mostly, it just felt honest.
White Rabbit didn’t overwhelm me. It loosened me. And In Rainbows gave me something to hold onto while I drifted. Not in a dramatic way. Just enough to feel like I was still here.
If you’ve ever lost yourself in an album while on mushrooms, you’ll probably get it. If not, don’t expect some spiritual download. It’s not always that clean. But sometimes, feeling a little more than usual is enough.
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